If You Give a One Year Old a Chore*

If you give a one year old a chore then you’ll have to make sure that she does it.

She’ll cry and scream “no” several times so you’ll have to give her some swats and show her what to do over and over again.

She’ll cry and scream “no” some more, but when she finally gives up and puts the magnets back onto the fridge you will have to give her some hugs.

Then you’ll have to get a paper towel to dry up the puddle of tears and snot on the kitchen floor so that you can sweep it.

As you are mopping up the floor her you will notice how horribly nasty the baseboards are in your kitchen.

So you’ll stand up to go get a rag to clean them and you’ll notice you’ve had the wrong burner on on top of the stove and your chicken isn’t really cooking at all.

After you turn on the correct burner you’ll have to go get that rag. As you are crawling around on the floor scrubbing baseboards you’ll notice just how nasty your cabinet doors are too. You’ll have to go get the Magic Eraser for that job.

When you get the Magic Eraser out of the cabinet you’ll find out that it is the last one you have. So then you’ll go to your grocery list and add "Magic Eraser".

While you are making your grocery list you will notice that your calendar says “Picture Day” in big bold letters on today’s square.

You will run to the cell phone and text your husband to find out what your son was wearing today when he left for school and if his hair was combed, because you know that he went to bed with it wet last night.

While you are waiting for the return text you’ll start working on those cabinets and then all of the sudden it is lunch time and you will serve micro-waved hotdogs because your chicken is still basically raw.

After the very nutritious lunch, and before nap time, you will blog about the morning’s events because they are just so typical.

But while you are blogging, your one year old will come out of the bathroom carrying a dripping plunger and you’ll have to tell her to take it back thus starting the crying and screaming “no” all over again.

*Also titled “If You Don’t Want to See the Dust Bunnies, Don’t Look Under the Bed”