Haunted House

Originally published Oct. 28th, 2007

I often complain to Brian that since Ryker started school I don’t feel like I have much time with him. It is especially rare to have time alone with him, without Cainan or Kinley. It is hard to go from being together all 12 waking hours to just being together for the last 4 waking hours. I do his reading assignments with him and his piano practice but that is about all we have time for between church responsibilities and his playing with Cainan.

Brian tries to find ways for us to be together. He’ll send us to the store alone or on a special errand, which is really nice. But his most recent idea was that I should take Ryker to the local Jaycee’s Haunted House. I was not fond of the idea. I don’t particularily like haunted houses, especially not when I am supposed to be the big brave adult in the situation. If I have Brian with me and I can be the one that is scared and clinging to him with my eyes closed they aren’t that bad. Brian assured me that since it was just the measly Jaycee’s it couldn’t be too scary. It would be fun.

I wasn’t going to mention the idea to Ryker and just let it drop. No such luck. Brian told Ryker about it and he was so excited. He really wanted to go. So last Saturday night we headed out there. Brian called us on the way and was teasing Ryker about being too scared to eat supper when we got home. To which Ryker’s response was, “Bring it on!”

It was a little bit chilly and we had to stand in line for 30 or 45 minutes outside. Apparently they were only taking in 2-3 people at a time so the line was moving very slowly. We struck up a conversation with the people behind us. It was a man and his 13 or 14 year old son. They were irritated about the slow moving line so I told them that they could go in with us if they wanted to. They agreed.

Finally we went into the pitch black fortress; Ryker first, then me, then the boy and then the man. The guide asked Ryker to hold on to her arm as she led us through the maze of cardboard box walls. It all started out harmlessly enough. We walked through rooms with dead bodies lying on slabs and saw prisoners in an insane asylum moaning. But then it started to get a little scary.Thank goodness for the man behind us. Scary people started coming out of dark corners and chasing our group, but the man in back caught most of that and Ryker and I didn’t really see it.

Then we came to a very narrow passage and the guide told us to be sure and stay to the right. I, in all my wisdom, scooted as far to the left of the passage as I could. I was not about to let someone grab my feet. My mistake. A chainsaw started up right beside my ear and blew my hair into a giant tangled mess as I screamed and practically trampled my son in my attempts to get away. It was at this pointed that Ryker started saying that he didn’t like it and wanted to get out.

I tried to laugh it all off and make fun of the guys in dorky costumes, but I don’t think it worked very well. I even pointed out the fact that our guide had made two cell phone calls and yelled out things like ‘Hey Dave, it’s 8:30!’ as she led us through the maze. Ryker just continued to hold tight to the guide’s arm with one hand and cover his ears with his shoulder and his other hand. I don’t know if he kept his eyes opened or closed. Well, to make a long story short we walked through a graveyard** and some kind of alien hospital room where a zombie tried to get our blood (which interestingly was the part that terrified Ryker the most).

At the very end we had to crawl through a tunnel about the size of a refrigerator box laying on its side. Of course it had a couple of corners in it that you couldn’t see around and Ryker made me go first. I went, but I knew that something was going to be waiting for me around that first corner. Sure enough some kind of zombie guy came crawling toward us. I tried to back up but the guys behind me were staying firm. The undead man retreated so I continued to inch my way forward through the tunnel until the guy behind me said, “Hey, you’re leaving your boy behind.” Apparently, in fright Ryker had crawled backwards past both of those guys and was still cowering in the tunnel. I couldn’t turn around in there so the three of us coaxed him into crawling forward up to where I was.

We finally made it out into the fresh night air and Ryker said, “I am never doing that again! Why did Daddy make us do that?” I was thinking the same thing. The night ended OK because they also had a fun house that was shaped like a pirate ship. We went through that and Ryker felt a little better after laughing at himself in the silly mirrors.

Brian felt really bad when we got home and told him what happened, but now he tries to put a positive spin on it and say that Ryker and I built priceless memories that night, blah, blah, blah. I guess it is one experience that we will always share and hopefully never repeat.

**On a side note I was once again reminded of how old I am, even in the midst of a haunted house. When we walked through the graveyard the guide told us to make a conga line and hold on to the waist of the person in front of us so that we wouldn’t wander off the path and step into any graves. I heard the 13 year old boy behind me whisper, “You do it Dad.”